50 Things I Learned in 2008

I "stole" this idea from Pastor Deanna Shrodes and Pastor Tara Sloan (apologies if the links don't work; I'm trying to remember blog addresses off the top of my head, lol!). I am trying to prep for Sunday morning so that I can actually ENJOY my extra day off this week without things hanging over my head...BUT I am waiting for my husband to call back with an answer to a technology-related question, so I'm kind of stuck. In the meantime, I thought a little reflection was in order!

1.) When you ask God for a dull, uneventful year, don't be surprised if He answers your prayer - even if you change your mind halfway through!
2.) Great friendships can be sustained even if you don't see each other as often as you used to.
3.) Prayer and fasting really does work.
4.) Happiness is a choice.
5.) People really do like me at this church (And yes, it took me 2 years to figure that out!).
6.) If I am following God's lead, "where I am in 5 years" is none of my business.
7.) I really wouldn't complain if God called me to a warmer climate someday.
8.) I spend way too much time watching t.v. (I learned this by being a Nielsen family last spring).
9.) That I do not have to compartmentalize my gifts and callings.
10.) I can be intellectual and still be Pentecostal.
11.) I have really buried my writing talent in the ground, and that needs to change.
12.) My husband is THE coolest person to ever walk the planet.
13.) God knew who I was when He called me - He doesn't expect me to change (other than growing in Him, of course!).
14.) That Weight Watchers really does help, and at this point in my life, is something I really need.
15.) There are some people I am just not going to be friends with, and that's okay.
16.) DVR is an amazing invention.
17.) I am still a huge fan of coffee.
18.) I really do want to have kids.
19.) Politics can be fascinating.
20.) The best thing to do when one has a cold is to stay home and get better, and realize that the world can revolve without me for a few days.
21.) The southern United States really does have a fascination with fried chicken.
22.) I am in no hurry to buy a house again - I love my apartment!
23.) The ministry is not God, and Sunday morning prep is not a substitute for time with Him!
24.) Sylar is fast becoming my favorite character on "Heroes."
25.) How to talk to ultra-conservative homeschoolers and not lose my mind.
26.) Excellence does not just happen.
27.) Spending time with my husband is my favorite thing to do.
28.) I really wish my mom lived closer than 8-9 hours away from me.
29.) I really wish my brother, sister-in-law, and beautiful niece lived closer than 10 hours away from me.
30.) Forgiveness is much easier when you think you'll never see the person again...
31.) ...but it is possible.
32.) Reuniting with old friends via Facebook is surreal, but kind of fun.
33.) I can survive without credit cards.
34.) It is really silly that I don't get into Chicago more often, since I only live about an hour away.
35.) Be yourself at all times - that way you will never forget who you are supposed to be, based on who you are talking to.
36.) Minneapolis (and my friends who are still there!) has not changed. I have. This makes me miss it...and them...a lot less.
37.) Sometimes fantasy/sci fi is actually quite entertaining.
38.) I like dark chocolate. A whole lot.
39.) I am a grown-up now. But that doesn't mean I can't have any fun!!
40.) Not to take myself so seriously.
41.) God is neither a Democrat nor a Rebublican.
42.) "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." -Henry David Thoreau
43.) I really do have it good.
44.) The best prescription for a bad day is sometimes a warm beverage, a cozy blanket, and a big fuzzy dog curled up next to me.
45.) I need to get my driver's license...and a car.
46.) Never do kids' camp and a kids' crusade back to back.
47.) Puppets do not make good worship leaders.
48.) There is always something to learn.
49.) Super Walmart is a necessary evil.
50.) 2009 is going to be even better than 2008.

New Year Update

Plowing through a long "to-do" list today, and stopping for awhile to catch my breath...I think I will go make myself a warm beverage first...

...Okay, I'm back with some hot apple cider. It's from a packet, not the "real" thing, but it'll do for now!

Christmas was good. Patrick and I hibernated on Christmas Eve and all day Christmas Day, and just hung out playing games, watching movies, and making cookies. We decided we need to incorporate more days like that into our lives, so we made that one of our New Year's Resolutions.

Friday we went to Sheboygan to visit Scott and Trisha and their family, and Erika and Ken and their (expanding - yes, they're pregnant again!) family. Saw "Twilight" again, and had fun with Trisha torturing Erika about the plot of the second book, since she hasn't read it yet.

Now...I'm back in the office working my tail off. It's a long/short week. It's short because I'm off Thursday and Friday. It's long because we have special services tonight and tomorrow night with a guest speaker. And we had our annual "going over the church calendar" staff meeting today, so my head is spinning with dates and goals and annual reports.

Trying to get motivated and all excited and pumped up for 2009. The excitement just hasn't hit me yet. Perhaps it will when the new year actually hits! Patrick and I are heading back to Weight Watchers to assess the holiday damage. It's been so long, we have to re-register.

At the same time, we have started stepping up plans to try to add to our family. We're talking charts and tracking and timing things perfectly, rather than the "que sera sera" approach we've had up until this point. So if you think about it, pray for us and for God's timing and all that good stuff.

This seems counterproductive if you think about it, because if we are successful at conceiving, I will obviously NOT be losing weight. But I decided that re-establishing healthy habits like eating more fruits and veggies, drinking water, and getting exercise could not hurt. And apparently, in order to do these things, I need the motivation of spending money to step on someone else's scale and have them weigh me.

Other than the holiday pounds I have most likely packed on, life is good. I prayed for a dull and uneventful 2008, and I pretty much got it. It was insanely busy (I mean...I do work at Trinity Christian Center, lol!!), but no personal drama. No city buses hitting our car, or snapped tendons, or flood damage to our apartment. Just a good year of doing what I was called to do, and making great progress digging ourselves out of debt. In about two and a half years, all our old stuff (other that student loans!) will be GONE!!!

From my end of the world, look for in 2009:

*Baby Weber (hopefully...we'll do our darndest, anyway!)

*My name in print - it is one of my goals to finally complete something and start submitting it to publishers.

*Trinity Kids to become better than ever.

*Me cruising down the street in my Green VW Beetle...I WILL get my license this year, dang it! As far as the car goes...a girl can dream, right?

If you want to find me, you can spot me at the usual places: the library, the thrift stores, coffee shops, outlet malls, or (more often than not, except on Fridays...my day off!) Trinity Christian Center! I will always accept gifts of dark chocolate and Starbucks coffee beans (Caribou and Dunn Bros. work, too...LOL!!).

In other words, there are certain fundamental things about me that will always remain. Love you all, and have a Happy New Year...be safe .

I am...

*i am content.
*i want everything God has for me, in His timing.
*i have a pretty sweet life!
*i miss my family and friends who are way too far away!
*i fear heights, geese, and rejection.
*i hear the heat kicking in and the dog drinking her water.
*i search in vain for the perfect Christmas gift for my husband...LOL!!
*i wonder what my husband has planned for this evening...
*i regret nothing. In the words of the musical Rent, "forget regret or life is yours to miss."
*i love God, my husband, my family, my friends, my dog, etc...
*i forgive means letting it be their problem.
*i ache because I slept funny last night.
*i always am up for a good cup of coffee.
*i try to stay organized, but it doesn't always happen.
*i seem to need to clean my house again today.
*i know that even if everyone else stopped loving me, God wouldn't.
*i feel a little groggy from just waking up.
*i dance mostly to goof around, because I'm not that good at it ;o).
*i dream really weird dreams that don't usually mean much of anything!
*i give everyone the benefit of the doubt...once.
*i listen to a lot of Christmas music this time of year!
*i sing more than I ever thought I would!
*i laugh at anything I can find to laugh at.
*i can't is one of the dirtiest lies in the English language!!!
*i cry a lot at certain times of the month ;o).
*i sleep at the drop of a hat.
*i am in love with my husband.
*i see a computer screen.
*i need to do some last-minute Christmas shopping at some point.
*i should be counting my points, but I really haven't been...

This year's Christmas greeting from our family to yours!!!

Since we really wanted to keep up our tradition of sending out a unique Christmas letter...not just the “and then we did this, and then we did that, and blah, blah, blah” type of letter (Hey, Leanne’s got to put that creative writing degree to use somehow, right?), and since we do not yet have cute little kids to put in matching Christmas outfits and take pictures to send you all, we decided to do our letter in the format of a “Dick and Jane” book. We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it!

Work
See Patrick work at Kids Hope United. See him teach teenage boys the social skills that they will need to live in the real world. See him teach a drama class twice a week. Teach, Patrick, teach! See Patrick come home every day exhausted but happy that he is helping the community. See Patrick smile and jump for joy as he puts on sweats and a T-shirt for work instead of a button down shirt and tie.

See Leanne work at Trinity Christian Center as their children’s pastor. Preach, Leanne, preach! See her go to Spencer Lake Kids’ Camp and be the red color team captain. See her get paid to play in water parks and video arcades. See the 382 people who came to our Summer’s End Family Extravaganza with Jay Risner. See Patrick and Leanne work their dream jobs.

Family
See Patrick and Leanne get another niece to spoil. Welcome to the Land of Sleep Deprivation, Nate and Kristen. Patrick and Leanne hope to join you there soon, and will keep all posted. In the meantime...see Cubby run. Run, Cubby, run. Hear her bark and whine. See her eat treats. See her lie on the floor and sleep.

The year 2008
See Patrick and Leanne join Weight Watchers. See them do okay, but not as well as they could. See them doing better in 2009. See them attend the National Children’s Pastors’ Conference in Little Rock, Arkansas. Learn, Patrick and Leanne, learn! See them meet Jim Wideman and Dick Gruber and other famous children’s ministry people.

See them travel to Minnesota to visit friends and family in July. See them NOT miss Twin Cities traffic. Next time...fly, Patrick and Leanne, fly!

See them celebrate 10 years of being happily married. See them settle in and really make Kenosha (and Zion!) home. But see them miss all their friends and family who are not nearby. Sniffle...Patrick and Leanne...sniffle.

See Patrick and Leanne welcome friends and family to come and see them anytime. See Patrick even log off World of Warcraft to visit with you if you come over. See Leanne DVR her favorite shows and watch them later. Socialize, Patrick and Leanne, socialize.

And most of all...see Patrick and Leanne be extremely thankful to God for all the blessings He’s given them this past year, and see them wishing all their friends and family a very Merry Christmas. Keep in touch!!

Blessed

So...I'm not pregnant this month. The "proof" came with a vengeance yesterday morning. I warded the cramps off with some Tylenol so I could make it through two performances of our Christmas play (Which went AMAZINGLY WELL!!!!), but by the time we got home after cleaning up and grabbing some lunch at Red Robin (Yay for gift cards!), I was reduced to "barely able to walk" status. I'm a little better today, and since it's the day after the Christmas play, my pastor had already given me the day off, so I'm sitting here trying to stay warm when the weather outside is reminiscent of childhood Christmases living just south of the Canadian border!!!

I threw myself a small pity party yesterday, but I'm pretty much over it. Yes, it would have been amazing to have the news to call home with on Christmas Day - but
God's timing is more perfect than my own, and I am confident that since God has begun an amazing work of healing (this is part of the breakthrough I blogged about a few posts back - I really don't feel comfortable discussing it in detail on a public blog, since it's not 100% my story to tell!), He WILL carry it through to completion, just like He promised in His Word. So it's going to happen.

In the meantime, God reminded me of all that He has blessed me with, so I thought I'd take you on a virtual tour of pictures taken over the past year that remind me of all He has given me!!

Taken in Kids' Church! I am blessed to be in the church that I'm in, with a supportive pastor and congregation...with kids who are hungry to know God more, and actually getting paid to do something I would do (and have done!) for free!!!


My mom holding my beautiful new niece, one month old in this picture (She's now 6 months with a head full of dark brown hair like her dad's, and blue eyes like her mom's). I am thankful that I was raised to know Jesus, and that I have a mom who loves me, supports me, and prays for me daily. I am thankful that I have a semblance of a relationship with my dad again (no picture of him on my home computer!). I am thankful that my brother has his act together - that he finally gave up his dead-end life of drugs and crime, went to school and got a degree, found a job working with animals, which is what he always said he wanted to do when he was a kid, married a woman who is perfect for him, and that they are both amazing parents...and that they WILL make their way back to God, too! For some reason the picture of them wouldn't load...but that doesn't make me any less thankful.


My amazing home! When we were making plans to move and realized that we'd have to rent again, we had prepared ourselves for a dump. As we drove to the complex to check out the place, we told each other, "We can handle a crappy apartment for a year, and we'll look for something else in the meantime." But our apartment is amazing...it looks more like a townhouse than an apartment. It has everything we could possibly want...a fitness room, a pool in the summer months, a washer/dryer in unit, a dishwasher...AND it is so new, that we are the FIRST people to ever live in this unit!!! Not to mention we got to keep our dog when we moved. I hang onto this as proof that God has blessed us abundantly, and that He does care about even the small details of our lives!


Saved the best for last!!! My rock...my best friend...the amazing man I married 10 years ago last July. He truly is the sexiest man alive, but People Magazine couldn't get ahold of him because he is so dang busy, so they had to settle for Hugh Jackman. Yeah, I could gush and go on and on about how thankful I am to have him in my life, but I would be here all night. So I'll just say...love is grand!!!!

I also have amazing friends in my life that I am thankful for, but in order to post pictures of them, I'd have to go to Facebook or Myspace and save their pictures and then upload them to this blog, and I'm feeling way too lazy to do so.

But when I take a look at my life and how far we've come in the last three years, I am overwhelmed. We are working on paying off debt, and have a good chunk of it GONE already. The economy is bad, but weirdly...things are BETTER for us. That's how bad off we were just a few years ago. Even something simple like running to the store for dog food would have thrown our finances into a tailspin.

So as I head into Christmas, I have to say that even though 2008 didn't work out exactly like I wanted it to work out, I am blessed. After all, I did ask God for a bland, uneventful year, right?

Merry Christmas to all!!!!

Bargaining for Blessings

Last night I had this crazy dream that Patrick and I arrived home from the hospital with sextuplets. Today I read in the news that Michelle Duggar just gave birth to her 18th child.

My heart is pounding today, feeling sort of "unsettled." Aching just a little bit, but impatient at the same time. I have a few more days to go to find out whether or not I need to go to the store and buy a stick to pee on; to find out whether or not it "took" this time. Truth be told, this was really the first month that we earnestly TRIED...as in, charted everything correctly and all that jazz. So I can't really be that upset if it didn't happen, considering it can take up to a year. At the same time, I don't know if I can take a year of this...emotionally speaking!!!

So all week, I've been praying. Asking God, "Please...make it happen this month." I know it's all in His timing, but it couldn't hurt to ask...right? The Bible says, "You have not because you ask not." So if He says no this time around, at least I'll know that I at least asked, rather than assuming...LOL!!

As I prayed today, I thought about Hannah in the Bible, and how she was so desperate to get pregnant, she made a "bargain" of sorts with God. That she would dedicate her child to God's service...if He would just give her a child. And by "dedicate," she wasn't talking about our baby dedications at church, where the mom and dad and extended family stand up on stage and promise to raise their child to know Jesus. No...this was a HARD-CORE dedication! As soon as Samuel was of age, his mom marched him to the temple and told Eli, "Here you go - he's here to serve you." And from that point on, she saw him only once a year.

The thought hit me: Do I have it in me to bargain like Hannah did...to raise the stakes, so to speak?

Now I am NOT saying that God always works that way. He desires to bless us, and He hears our prayers. Life is not a cosmic game of Go Fish, and I am in no way implying that it is.

But honestly, if I am not pregnant at this moment, I am PMSing (Can I just say how sucky it is that the symptoms are so similar?). And therefore, either way my emotions are a little bit wacked. I started thinking about Caylee Anthony, whose remains were just officially confirmed today....whose own mother may have killed her. I saw a documentary this morning on Andrea Yates, who killed her five children because of a mental disorder.

And yes, I railed a bit against JimBob and Michelle Duggar, too...come on, don't they have enough kids YET? Share the wealth, people...LOL!!!!

As "unfair" as it seems that these women (excluding Michelle Duggar - although she homeschools and reveres Bill Gothard and wears prairie dresses, she does seem to be a perfectly capable mother!) were given these precious gifts from God and could just so easily get rid of them, while I don't even have one...I also hope and pray that my pleading with God is MORE along the lines of Hannah's.

Which sounds better?

"God, if you give me a child, I will dedicate him or her to Your service."

"God, if you give me a child, I promise I won't kill them."

I do not want to settle for the lowest common denominator. While it is tempting to "go there" mentally, especially in the light of current events...I do not want God to give Patrick and me a child simply because He knows we would not murder him or her. There are a million reasons why I want to have kids (believe me, I have overly psychoanalyzed this issue, and you really don't want to hear the scope of my analysis - suffice it to say, I want to have kids!), but "So I can prove that I am not capable of murder" is certainly not one of them.

[My being in the ministry proves that on a daily basis!]

But Hannah's story got me thinking about the "big picture," too. What am I willing to do to receive God's blessings...babies or otherwise? What am I willing to give to Him? Our youth pastor has been doing a series for his students on the 1st century idea of discipleship - which meant LITERALLY following your rabbi around on foot. Not just sitting at home and saying you believe what your rabbi says; that you stand for what he stands for. But getting off your butt, packing your bags, and actually going where he goes!!

My mom always told her high school students at the Christian school: "If the only gift that God ever gave you was salvation, would that be enough for you to serve Him?"

Food for thought, anyway...

Yes, I like Christmas!!

So you are being subjected to another Christmas survey/meme!!!

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Normally, I'd say hot chocolate as a general rule, but I do have to have at least one glass of nog during the holidays (just the plain stuff...no booze added!!!)

Colored lights on tree or white? Definitely COLORED!

When do you put your decorations up? We try to shoot for the week after Thanksgiving, although we still do not have our tree, lol (everything else is up, though)!!!

What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Are cheesy potatoes a holida dish? I don't know why, but I seem to only eat them on holidays. So I'll go with cheesy potatoes!

Favorite holiday memory as a child? Sitting in Grandma and Grandpa's tiny living room with all my relatives...surrounded by gifts, eating soup and porketta sandwiches (It's a northern MN thing!) and way too many Christmas goodies, and exchanging stupid, corny inside jokes.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What truth about Santa? He's real...right?

Snow! Love it or dread it? I can handle snow, but I don't like the ice and cold temperatures that come with it. And yet I live next to Lake Michigan. Explain that cruel irony, God...LOL ;o).

Can you ice skate? Not really...I did a little bit (very badly!) as a kid, but it's been a good 20 years or longer since I've tried!!

Do you remember your favorite gift? I think every year I got something completely unexpected. I don't know if I can narrow it down...contenders would have to be the Cabbage Patch Doll, whatever Amy Grant album had come out in a given year, a camera, my stereo (that included a CD player!), and most recently (has it really been 8 years?!?!?)...my dog!!!!

What's the most important thing about the holidays for you? Ask me again when the Christmas play is over!

What is your favorite holiday dessert? pie or cheesecake - then again, those are my favorite desserts all year round, so...

What is your favorite tradition? Starting from scratch on the traditions...since moving to Wisconsin, every year has been uniquely different, so we are still trying to establish some "engraved in stone no matter what!" traditions here.

What is your favorite Christmas Song? CHristmas Canon by Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Believe by Josh Groban.

Ever recycled a Christmas present? By "recycle," do you mean "regift"? If so, yes. But not usually until the next year. If by "recycle," you mean literally putting it in the recycle bin, then no.

No one's raising my kids!!!

I don't want anyone raising my kids, so they are never setting foot in a daycare center!

No one is going to raise my kids but me, so they are NOT going to kids' church!

If I send my kid to private or public school, I'm letting someone else raise them!

Since I am hoping to be an expectant mother soon (a long-winded, kind of awkward way of saying that I'm not pregnant yet, lol!!), I have started thinking and preparing for what kind of mom I'm going to be. Obviously, my kids will be in kids' church, since that's where Mom and Dad are ;o). Because we both work, although my pastor is extremely gracious and flexible, and we've already had some talks about how this could work out, there are going to be some occasions when our kids will have someone else taking care of them during the day. And, also because we both work, our children will most likely not go to school at home.

But, let me just say for the record: THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WON'T BE RAISING MY (FUTURE!) CHILDREN!!!

And I honestly don't understand parents who are so afraid to let others speak into their children's lives. Who are afraid to take a little bit of help now and then. Who are convinced that if they are not with their kids 24/7, that means they are "letting someone else raise their kids."

Not being a parent, but being a former child/student, I would like to share some of my own personal observations and experiences on this topic:

I completely, 100% respect those who choose to home educate, so let's get that out of the way first. To me, it's a perfectly legitimate form of education, and I am personally acquainted with kids and adults who have thrived in that sort of environment. But it is a choice. And it doesn't work for every family.

I was educated in private schools and briefly in public school (kindergarten and 9th grade). My parents (even after the divorce, they shared joint legal custody, so they were both responsible for making major decisions in our lives) trusted other people to teach us the academic subjects that they couldn't.

Even in the Christian school where my mom was my English teacher, she trusted one of her colleagues to teach me math. Another one to teach me history, and so on. Still, when I look back on my life and think about who had a hand in "raising" me, my teachers (other than my mom, lol!) do not come to mind. I was not raised by anyone other than my family.

As far as church goes, even though I can name kids' church leaders, Sunday School teachers, and youth pastors who had a profound influence on my life, I do not place them in the category of people who raised me, either. My parents did not hand me over to these people and ask them to lay a spiritual foundation for me. The person I always went to with questions about the Bible was my mom. No matter how many Sunday School classes I attended; no matter how many Wednesday night youth services I was a part of; I do not consider them to be people who raised me, either.

Before my mom went back to teaching, she ran a daycare center out of our home. This was her way of earning money and still being at home for her kids. And while there were a few kids who seemed more attached to my mom than to their own parents because they were at our home more often, none of the kids from her daycare (all adults by now!) call my mom "Mom" today. Because ultimately, my mom was not the person who raised them. She was the person who cared for them while their parents were working. Or sleeping (we lived in a mining area, so she had parents who would drop their kids off for a few hours while they slept before embarking on the midnight shift!).

My husband and I were having this discussion the other day, and we both agreed that we really wish people would realize that entrusting someone to care for your child or speak into their lives, or to teach them is NOT the same thing as handing them over to be raised.

No matter what decisions we make as far as our future children's education, care, or spiritual growth, we will be the ones raising them. Period. And as a children's pastor, I can testify that I am definitely not the one "raising" any of the kids in my kids' church. It is not my job to lay a spiritual foundation in a child's life; it is my job to build on the foundation that has already been laid at home! I am not out to usurp parents' authority in their kids' lives. Parents, I (and most children's pastors I know!) AM ON YOUR SIDE!!!!

And for those who say I will feel differently when I have kids of my own...I can offer no arguments there, because I have no frame of reference. Talking about my nonexistent children is a straw-man argument that I really have no desire to have with anyone. All I can do is offer observations based on what I have experienced and continue to experience.

Perhaps I will become one of those smothering, over-protective moms who won't let their child go on a kids' or youth activity unless I am able to go with them. Maybe the hormonal surge that occurs with pregnancy will awaken my repressed desire to wear denim jumpers, bake my own bread, and grow my own vegetables. There could be a reason I am drawn to the TLC show, "17 Kids and Counting" other than the fact that it's like a trainwreck that I can't bear to look away from [*Note to Duggar fans: Please...no hate mail! To each their own - as long as they can take care of and provide for their kids, they can have 18 more as far as I'm concerned! I am just trying to psychoanalyze my weird fascination with this family that I have very little in common with!].

Maybe all of the above is true, and I'm just speculating that I'm going to raise my children similar to how I was raised, because I think my mom pretty much kicks butt as a parent. Can I just add that most of my friends who were raised in super legalistic environments are not serving God right now? And their parents couldn't even hold themselves to the standards that they set for their families - some have fallen away from God as well; others have seriously relaxed these extra-biblical standards that were so important to them and can now be seen around town consuming caffeine, sugar, and non-organic foods.

And I suspect that now...maybe they wish there was someone else that they had allowed to speak into their kids' lives!

Stop the madness!!!

'Twas the week before the Christmas play, and all through the church...

*The children's pastor might as well roll a cot into her office for the amount of time she's spending here - save some gas from driving home to crash and then coming back here in the morning!!

*Patrick and Leanne have gotten so bad with their point-counting and are frightened about what the scale will say when they return to meetings in January (They are honestly NOT trying to be a cliche, what with New Year's resolutions and all - it's just that free registration usually starts up again in January, and we don't have extra $$ to pay the registration fee!!).

*We think we are done with all the obligatory holiday stuff...no more parties to speak of...just the Christmas play on Sunday.

*Leanne is wondering when on earth she is going to get her Christmas cards out.

*Leanne is wondering when on earth she is going to go Christmas shopping.

For those of you who are reading this and are NOT on staff at a church (or have not been on staff at a church at some point in your life), Christmas is pretty much a barrage of holiday parties, service projects, and, if you work in kids' ministry...rehearsals!! This year's play is going to rock everyone's socks off, though - we opened it up to adults and teens, and have incorporated actual dance into it (not just hand motions, lol!!). We will be making some of our young/middle-aged church members look like elderly residents of a retirement home (yay for that degree in theatre and the make-up techniques class I took way back in the day!).

But to produce a play of that caliber takes a lot of work. And I'm already noticing the dark circles appearing underneath my eyes!!

Funny story: My pastor likes to have part of the set up the Sunday before to start getting people interested and excited about the Christmas play. However, we still need room for the worship team on the platform. So...we put up what we could, which was a couple of flats with net lighting placed over them, and a manger...which was basically a "mock-up" of what the opening set is going to look like, before the "big reveal" of the retirement center. I was worried that it would look cheesy and corny, and that the huge stage would dwarf the set and just look cluttered - and my biggest fear, of course, was that I would be ordered to take it all down because it didn't look right.

But no. I had at least half a dozen people come up and tell me, "Wow! The set looks really good!" Uh...that is SO not the set. That is not even a portion of the set. The following song from the musical Chicago came into my mind (which is funny, because Patrick and I had been singing it the night before, joking that maybe they'd think it was fabulous because it had some bling!):

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle,
Razzle dazzle 'em
How can they see when stars are in their eyes?

But hey - people liked it. They're excited. Now I just need to pray that we can deliver...LOL!!!

After all the madness, Patrick and I have decided that since we are not going to travel to see family, due to work schedules on both ends, we are going to spend a quiet Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together - just us. I know we have sweet, well-meaning people in our church who will probably invite us to spend Christmas with their families, but really? I don't want to feel awkward and infringe on someone else's family celebration.

Besides - we realized that this is something we've never gotten to do, and may never get to do again. We are moving full speed ahead with our plans to try to get pregnant - and with kids in the picture, it will never be just the two of us again (obviously!). We may...and I say MAY...contact Patrick's aunt and uncle and grandpa who live an hour and a half away from us to see if they are free for a few hours on Christmas Day (but they usually aren't!), and we have plans on the 26th to spend the day with friends, but other than that? Christmas Eve is OURS!!

A nice dinner...dessert...cuddling on the couch watching cheesy Christmas movies and playing board games...and maybe an early bedtime (**wicked laugh**) sound just about perfect after a very busy and hectic season that seemed to happen all at once.

I'm not sure how much blogging I'm going to get done in the next week, so I will say to all of you just in case...HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Thinking "out loud"

So the other night my husband and I had a breakthrough of sorts. I'm not going to expound too deeply on this on a public blog - but it had to do with something in our marriage that we've been struggling with since Day One.

In seemingly unrelated news, our church has been regularly praying and fasting together all year. In January, we were encouraged to do some sort of fast during the first 21 days of the month - fruits and vegetables, water only, fasting a meal a day...whatever. Then after that, we fasted together as a congregation on the 8th day of every month (for 2008). Sometimes there was a list of things that we were praying about together; other times there was no published list, so I just prayed about whatever was on my heart.

Monday was the last "8th of the month" for the year 2008, and on Tuesday we experienced our breakthrough.

It does seem like an awfully interesting "too coincidental to be coincidental" type situation. This particular breakthrough concerns something that has been on my heart all year. Well, for 10+ years, to be honest - but this year, the year of "New Beginnings," and "Radical Grace," and "Moving Forward," which have all been series themes in our church over 2008, it's been not only ON my heart, but pounding on it until it hurts. No matter what the "topics" of our prayer and fasting day have been, I have taken a few moments to pray about this "pink elephant in the room" of our marriage.

Apparently it worked.

Nothing like coming in at the last minute there, God ;o).

Now I realize I am writing in horrible paragraph structure like Rob Bell, so I am going to stop doing that. Nothing against Mr. Bell personally...but this English geek has a hard time reading his books, lol!!

I don't know the status of some of the other things I committed to praying for during 2008. But I do know that, for this one, God came through "right on time," just like He always does.

Catching up...

...on my Bible reading.

However, the first chapter that I had to catch up on was Isaiah 40. So I'm kinda stuck there, because that chapter contains a LOT. Decided to post my thoughts on my "main" blog instead of my "In the Word" blog today, because so many of the thoughts in today's (Okay, in last Friday's reading, to be totally honest!!) reading are what have been swirling around in my head lately...

Isaiah 40:8, "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever."

God's Word is our authority. Period. I don't care what "fresh revelation" you think you have received from "the Spirit." If it is contrary to the Word of God, it is not FROM God. His Word is what will stand - long after all the "grass" and "flowers" of what we think are the more exciting and goosebump-giving teachings that go around. If I never receive another "spiritual goosebump" or warm, fuzzy feeling in a church service, I have come to the conclusion that it's okay. As long as I am staying true to what His Word has told me.

40:13-14, "Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord, or as His counselor has taught Him? With whom did He take counsel, and who instructed Him, and taught Him in the path of justice? Who taught Him knowledge and showed Him the way of understanding?

This hit me right between the eyes as I was thinking about our awesome service on Sunday. I did nothing. I did not instruct God. My husband did not tell Him when and where to show up, or which kids needed a touch from Him. He knew. And He showed up. As kids' ministry guru Randy Christensen is fond of saying, "It's not by puppets or by clowns, but by my Spirit says the Lord." I am realizing that our last minute "emergency" was orchestrated by God to get my grubby little fingers away from what He wanted to do. I had planned for Him to have X amount of minutes to move in kids' lives before we moved onto the next thing. But so many factors contributed to the "flip-flopping" of our service, and I now realize that it was no accident. God had everything figured out. Because...well, He's God!! And none of us really have the right or the ability to tell Him how to move.

and, of course...

40:31, "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings as eagles. They shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint."

A verse I need to chant to myself over and over again, especially during this busy time of year. My strength is not going to be renewed by running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I need to go back to Him to be renewed.

And patience pays off...I was finally inspired with exactly how I'm going to write the story that has been in my head for the past 10 years. I don't want to say much more about that until I'm a little further along in the process, but I knew that God was going to come through for me. I have not been able to write anything else - other than blogging, lol!! - until this is complete. I knew that this was an area where I needed to wait on God, and He has not disappointed me.

So thank you, Lord - for this powerful chapter in Your Word. Thank you for inspiring me, for calling me, and for continuing to teach me daily. Heading back to catch up now...

It isn't about me

I don't have a picture of this, because a.) I didn't have my camera, and b.) I don't think I would have wanted to snap a picture, anyway.

In fact, I really am not sure how to explain kids' church on Sunday morning.

We didn't have a preschool teacher for first service (I've ranted often about the indifference in churches toward early childhood programs - it's a universal issue in kids' ministry!), so at 10:00 on Saturday evening, we decided that I would teach preschool and Patrick would preach in kids church. The reason for this was because we are still going over the kids' choir music on Sunday mornings for a portion of the service, and he is much more qualified to teach music than I am (Between him and our music director, we have umpteen degrees in music education (her), and loads of experience in choirs, musicals, and directing choirs and musicals (him).)

First service went well enough.

After chasing down nursery and preschool workers who were in the building but still chatting downstairs instead of being where they needed to be, I settled into kids' church.

Worship had gone long downstairs, so by the time our music director (also the head of our worship team) came upstairs, Patrick had started preaching. We figured we'd hit the music as the very last part of the day.

The topic of the morning? "Running hard after God." Removing distractions and obstacles that would get in the way of our relationship with Him.

At the end, Patrick invited kids to come up to the altar if they wanted to spend some time with God committing themselves to follow hard after Him. 45 minutes later, there were still kids up front praying. Some came and went, but we had about three of them who stayed up there the entire time. The adult service went long. And still, I had parents lined up outside my door waiting for kids' church to end.

I finally had my leaders lead kids outside whose parents were waiting (only kids who were done praying; the rest of the parents could wait, lol!), and still...the core group at the altar remained. One of them was our teen helper for the day :o).

The presence of God in the room was unbelievable.

I'm still processing, to tell you the truth...because lately, I have been feeling so "unspiritual." So NOT anointed and completely unprepared for Sunday mornings. I go to Saturday night prayer and count down to when we get to leave (Not because I don't want to talk to God; I just don't like when it goes late, because I have to be up WAY too early on Sunday mornings!).

And on the other side of the spectrum, I'm not saying that I can't improve...as a Christian, as a leader, as a human being...because, of course, that would be absolutely ridiculous.

But what I am saying is that I am me. My husband is who God made him to be. And that whatever happened up there yesterday happened because God took our meager offerings of time, very little preparation (because of the 10 pm "no preschool teacher" fiasco!), and wicked awesome improvisational skills, and somehow, either because of or in spite of us...moved.

And no...we never did get to Christmas choir practice.

Christmas Shoes

Is it just me or should the little kid in the "Christmas Shoes" song get his friggin' priorities straight. Your mom is dying and you are out shoe shopping? How about you go spend some time with her, that is probably what she really wants. Not another pair of bedazzled pumps.

-Comment found on Stuff Christians Like that I have been laughing about for days!!!

The spirit of sickness

Conversation overheard from my office yesterday (all names have been changed!) between my senior pastor and a parishioner:

Georgia: My eyes have really been bothering me lately - just burning and itching...

Pastor, who has just recovered from a horrible sinus infection and pink-eye, then starts asking questions about her symptoms to see if they were anything like his.

Georgia: June said that there was a spirit on me attacking me and that I just needed to rebuke it.

Pastor: Hmmm...well, my doctor gave me some drops that really seemed to help me. I can give you his number if you'd like.

I almost literally fell out of my chair laughing at this exchange. All I can say is that my pastor just earned about 10,000 cool points for that statement!!

I do not deny that the supernatural realm exists. As my best friend says, "How could we not believe there are demons? We lived with them at our last church!"

But not every single physical ailment is a "spirit" of something. When my pastor was sick, we prayed for him (obviously!) at Saturday night prayer. One man said, "And I command the demons to leave his body and his home right now, in Jesus' name."

OKAY...definitely not saying that a demon wouldn't show up where there were anointed people of God present. They've shown up in my house before - they've shown up in homes of people I care about. But the thing is...we have the power and authority to rebuke them and they have to leave. And I'm kind of certain that my pastor knows this, lol!

Maybe it's just me, but when I've felt under attack by the enemy, it's usually my mind, will and emotions that he attacks. Not my physical body. He knows that he's not going to bring me down and stop what God has called me to do by giving me allergies or sinus infections. They are annoying. They are minor inconveniences. But I do not doubt God's existence or His call on my life simply because I need to stay home for a day or two and take antibiotics.

The reason that I was sick for two weeks, and then my pastor was sick for two weeks after that (I'm afraid I started the latest plague in our office!) was because we ministerial types tend to think the world cannot spin without us having our fingers in everything. We get up and go to meetings when we should be flat on our back in bed. We check our e-mail and respond to it even when we do stay home. In other words, we continue to do the work that we are called to do, much to our own detriment. This is why God gives us amazing and wonderful spouses to knock some sense into our heads and MAKE us stay home and recover.

When I'm under attack by the enemy, I have no will to continue doing the work that God has called me to do. I threaten to quit my job and fade into obscurity as a barista or a burger flipper. I question whether or not God even exists, and if he does, whether or not he is listening to me. I wander around underneath a blanket of depression, coming to work only because I need the paycheck - not because I think I'm doing any good, or because I am even called.

And THOSE are the moments when I need to rebuke the enemy and command him to leave me.

I believe in divine healing, and I believe in praying for healing. What I do not believe is that if we ARE sick, we are necessarily being attacked by demons or suffering the consequences of unconfessed sin.

When I was in college, I hung out with some Word of Faith people for a short time (No offense to Word of Faith people in general - I think they are perfectly lovely, and even agree with them on some points. On others, I disagree. That does not make either of us necessarily right, and neither of our salvations hinge on which one of us is correct), and I started to believe for a time that a true Christian would never get sick.

One night, I was lying in bed with monstrous cramps (sorry to any gents reading this, but we ladies do get them!). And when I say monstrous, I mean that I could not even walk. I lay there wide awake for about an hour, confessing every sin to God that I could think of, trying to figure out why I didn't have enough faith to make them go away, and rebuking spirits left and right. Still, the cramps remained.

And lo, the voice of the Lord spoke unto me, saying:

"Would you just stop your whining and get up and take an aspirin? You have to work in the morning!"

So I did. And I fell asleep almost immediately upon returning to my bed.

And I learned a very important lesson that night. Sometimes, we just need to chill. Why do we spend more of our prayer time speaking to demons than we do speaking to God? Why is it that we get more of a reaction out of, "I'm under attack by a demon," than we do, "I really feel the presence of God."

The demons are subject to us! We do not need to be afraid of them lurking around every corner and under every rock. If we do encounter one, we know what we need to do: rebuke it and command it to leave in the name of Jesus.

And if we're sick - sometimes we just need a good, long nap!!

Confessional Booth for Pentecostals

Sometimes I think the Catholic church really came up with a winner idea when they invented the idea of going to confession.

Now I know what all my fellow Protestant readers are going to say: "But we don't need to confess our sins to a priest. Our high priest is Jesus. No need to save up all our sins for the week and spew them out to an anonymous man in a booth who will dole out the proper penance (two Hail Marys; four Our Fathers; three rosaries; whatever! I grew up in an area that was mostly populated with Catholics and Lutherans...I am familiar with a lot of the lingo!)."

I get that. I know that Jesus is my high priest. And I am profoundly grateful that when I sin, I can go to him immediately and take care of it.

Still...there is something about speaking to an actual person; a representative of God - and getting our junk out in the open. Our sins lose a lot of their power when we bring them into the light because there is no more hiding. No more justification. It's out there for all to see...our dirty, ugly sin. And now it must be dealt with. Sometimes when we just "confess our sins to God," it is easy to twist them in our own minds and make them not as bad as they really are.

Well, Lord, I know I was unkind yesterday, but at least I'm not a drug dealer. Maybe my angry outburst wasn't that bad; after all, did You hear what that person said to me? I am SO right in this situation! It was...uh...righteous anger. Yeah. I was standing up for Jesus. So it wasn't really sin after all. Okay, moving on...

But there is something about saying something...out loud...to someone else. This is why the Bible tells us to confess our sins to each other!

So, I am going to use this opportunity to share some of my own struggles. Raw and uncensored. If you came here to read about a pastor who is perfect and has everything together, you can move along. And good luck finding one. I am tired of trying to pretend I am sinless and struggle-less. I do not want to be a "whitewashed tomb" that looks good on the outside, but is full of death on the inside. So here goes...maybe some of you will relate; maybe some of you will be shocked. But it needs to be done:

1. The most obvious struggle (because you can tell by looking at me!): I struggle with gluttony. There. I've said it. No more cute little anecdotes about how food is the only vice left for Christians, or about beating the Baptists to the buffet on Sunday mornings. Over 75% of those of us called to preach are overweight. I am sure that the stress of the job contributes to it. The busy lifestle of someone involved in ministry can sometimes keep us from exercising the way we should. But the Bible tells us that it is wrong to be a glutton, and so every time I eat more than I should eat, I am sinning. I believe that God has given us all foods to enjoy - I do not believe in eliminating an entire food group from my diet. But there is a difference between enjoying a few Hershey's kisses (the candy currently in my PW's candy dish!) and downing the whole bag.

2. I struggle with my devotional life. I know that as a Christian - and as a pastor - that spending time with God daily is an absolute must. But to be totally honest? I don't hunger and thirst after God the way I should. I let other things crowd out the time I need to be devoting to Him. Every day that I miss, I promise myself that tomorrow I'll do better. Tomorrow comes and goes, and before I know it, I've missed an entire week. It has honestly been God's grace that has kept me going as far as having anything to share with the kids on Sunday mornings, but I know that when I miss my time with God, my life is not in order. This, too, needs to stop.

3. I struggle with tithing. Again, I know that this is something the Bible commands us to do. But to be totally honest, when I look at the money I have and then I look at my bills, I do not trust God to come through for me on the 90% I have left after giving him the first 10%. Again...needs to stop.

So there you go. No justification, no excuses. Just...me. A work in progress. And a prayer that now that I have confessed my sins to whoever happens to stumble upon my blog, they will, indeed begin to lose their power over me.

Thoughts on Christmas

Now that it's December, Christmas is officially on the brain. Even though the calendar says it's not officially winter for another three weeks, there is snow on the ground and a chill in the air. Snow is still exhilarating and pretty this time of year. I will not start cursing its existence and wondering why I moved from living near one Great Lake (Superior - although I hadn't actually lived in northern MN for several years before moving!) to another (Michigan), rather than praying more fervently that one of those churches in Florida that were hiring three years ago would consider me to be their dream children's pastor.

But I digress. Right now, the snow is still magical; a warm blanket and a cup of hot cocoa still inviting; and I'm still feeling the relief that we can indulge in holiday goodies and be able to hide the offending fat underneath big bulky sweaters for a few months!

As I sit here, watching the winter wonderland outside and thinking about all that needs to be done for the Christmas play, cards that need to be written out, and gifts that need to be purchased, my mind wanders to some of the issues that are often debated among Christians this time of year. As is the case with most things, I have an opinion, and so I thought I'd devote a blog to expressing my opinions on some of them...

"Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays"
Okay, let's get this straight: I am a Christian and an American. Therefore, Christmas is the holiday I celebrate at this time of year. That being said, if I'm wishing someone happiness and cheer during the month of December, I will say "Merry Christmas." Unless, of course, I am speaking with someone I know very well does NOT celebrate Christmas, such as our Jehovah's Witness relatives. I mean...why rub it in? What kind of "point" would I be making by doing this? Am I going to successfully bring them to Christ by insulting their beliefs? Probably not! But generally speaking, I use the term "Merry Christmas."

However...if I'm in a store, and the clerk wishes me a "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," I am not going to boycott their store for it or anything. Many times, the employees are required to use the more universal greeting - and they've got to eat, feed their kids, and pay rent or whatever, too. Let's not make them feel guilty or browbeat them for following company policy. And if they are still cheery enough after working several hours in a store during this time of year, and still manage a smile and a greeting of any kind, well, color me impressed!

Santa Claus
I am not a parent yet. But I am a former child who was raised in a Christian home in which we did, indeed, do the whole "Santa" charade. We had our pictures taken with him (Well, tried to...I was afraid of Santa as a small child - I was actually afraid of all facial hair. Seriously. My dad had to shave his mustache because I would not go to him until he did!). We left out egg nog and Christmas cookies for him on Christmas Eve, and he would write us a note (suspiciously in my mom's handwriting!) to be discovered when we woke up.

We would write "from Santa" on some of our gifts that we exchanged on Christmas Eve. To be totally fair, we also addressed other gifts as being from our dogs and cats.

The thing is, just like I knew our labrador retriever did not literally go to the store and pick out gifts for us, I knew that all of the "from Santa" gifts were really from our parents. There was no confusion in my mind whatsoever. I knew Jesus was real, and I knew that the whole point of Christmas was celebrating his birth.

It was just a fun addition to our Christmas celebration. And I plan to do the same when I have kids. Of course they will know about Jesus - and will be told the story of the real St. Nicholas and how that has been turned into our "Santa Claus" today.

Commercialism
So many people rail against the consumerism and commercialism of this season, and how we are sucked in by the pretty lights and decorations to help stores make all their yearly profits, and yada, yada, yada.

I like the pretty lights and decorations. I enjoy egg nog lattes at coffee shops, and hearing Christmas music piped in at all my favorite stores. I normally do not enjoy shopping - during the holidays, I love it! I enjoy decorations - making my home look like Christmas threw up...candles, lights, knick-knacks, our Ace Hardware Christmas village...you get the idea! I draw the line at fiber optic Nativity sets and pink and purple Christmas trees, though!

Yes, you can get sucked into spending money that you don't really have, and going into debt to help stores stay OUT of debt. But you don't have to. Credit cards have not been an option for us for the past three Christmases, and we have still managed to get gifts for everyone on our list.

I enjoy buying gifts, and of course I enjoy receiving them. And since our gift-giving is directly tied to the gifts that the wise men gave to Jesus (not to mention, the gift that God gave to US!!), I find nothing wrong with it. It just takes balance and moderation.

I am 100% all about staying focused on the whole point of the holiday season. If Jesus had not come to earth as a baby, we would not even be celebrating Christmas in the first place. I realize that, and am overwhelmed with gratitude that God would humble Himself to come to earth as a baby, be born in a smelly barn, grow up to live as an impoverished wanderer, and ultimately subject Himself to the most shameful of deaths...all for me.

It is truly awe-inspiring.

But ultimately - the reason we do all this stuff - why people decorate their houses inside and out with as many ornaments as they can muster up - why we run around like mad dogs searching for the perfect gifts - can all be traced back to Jesus. He is the reason for all the glitz and glamour, the pageantry, the light shows. So I think He is definitely worthy of a little bit of bling, don't you?

So I will continue to revel in the magic of the season. To be in awe of the snow that God created and caused to fall on the bare trees, making my corner of the world look beautiful - at least from the comfort of my home. To wish and accept from others holiday greetings, no matter what form they take. To indulge a bit in childhood fantasies and make-believe. And to embrace some of the craziness that is this time of year while focusing on what is really important.

And those are my thoughts on the Christmas season!