I'm not my husband!

After reading the news today, I felt compelled to blog about Secretary of State Clinton's "bristling" when someone asked her what her husband's opinion was on such-and-such issue. She answered, "Bill is not the secretary of state," and stated that she was not there to channel her husband.

I understand that her situation is a little bit different, since her husband was the President for eight years, but I can empathize with her just a little bit as a woman in ministry who is the "main" staff member in our relationship.

I was recently challenged by my senior pastor to not lean on my husband so much, since I am the paid staff member in the relationship. It can be hard to find that balance. On one hand, I believe 100% in team ministry. On the other hand, my husband has his own job that he has, as of late been working about 50 hours per week [hopefully this is just temporary, although the overtime has been nice!]. On one hand, the Bible does tell wives to submit to their husbands. On the other hand, I am technically the one in charge in our ministry.

Since we have a more egalitarian view of marriage and ministry, it's really not a matter of who is "in charge." As far as I am concerned, if my husband says something to a child or a leader, it's as good as if I had said it. In fact, our Royal Rangers department is headed by a very traditional conservative man, and my pastor and I both agree that it is just better to choose our battles and appoint my husband to be the one to enforce policies, etc. in that department.

Still, though, I can understand where Mrs. Clinton is coming from. Why do people assume that a husband and wife share all the same opinions on issues? My husband and I are both "purple" politically - that is "red" in some areas, and "blue" in others. Our reds and our blues don't always match. Just because my husband feels a certain way about political issue x, y, or z, does not mean that I feel the same way - and vice versa. It really doesn't matter - we actually enjoy debating our political differences.

When it comes to ministry, we do listen to each other. My husband has an incredible gift of discernment, so if he feels that something is not quite right with someone who wants to be a leader, my ears perk up [Can I just say that for the first time IN OUR LIVES as children's pastors, we have enough leaders where we can afford to be "picky" like that...YAY!!!!].

Still, we are not the same person. That's the mystery of marriage - we can be "one flesh" while still being two separate individuals with two separate brains.

I used to work for two psychology professors who were married to each other. Both were doctors - both were professionals - and both extremely good at what they did. One of them was the department chair; the other acted as interim chair when her husband was on sabbatical. The female half of the pair was constantly venting about students questioning her classroom/attendance/late paper policies on the grounds that "her husband doesn't do it that way." Or getting frustrated with HER because she didn't know off the top of her head why her huband was running a few minutes late for an appointment.

"Apparently, we share a brain and should be joined at the hip at all times," she would say.

I would answer, "Yeah - you'd better get home and start churning that butter..."

Her husband, by the way, always backed her policies, and made a point of saying that the students would never complain because the other professors' policies were not exactly like his, and they should not expect his wife to conduct her classes the same way he did, either. I'm getting a little misty, because I really do miss those guys...

I love my husband to pieces. I respect him, and think he is the greatest man on the planet. But I am NOT him. People who expect my personality to be exactly like his will be sorely disappointed. He is loud and expressive. At Saturday night prayer, he walks back and forth across the back of the sanctuary speaking in tongues. I curl up in a pew writing in my prayer journal. He is a big goofball in kids' church and runs most of the games. I do most of the teaching [partially because...uh...it's my job!]. This is not to say that I am a big old stick in the mud - in fact, in our last series, HE played the "straight man" while I played the wacky costumed character.

So, Secretary of State Clinton, if you run across my humble little blog [and no, I am not egotistical enough to think that prominent political figures are actually reading my blog!], I just want you to know that I understand. You are not your husband. Even though we do not always agree politically, I completely get you on that point! Now go out and be the best secretary of state that YOU can be...and I'll sit here in my corner of the world and be the best children's pastor that I can be.

And I know both of our husbands are proud of us!!