PLEASE UPDATE YOUR INFO!!!!

I have made the decision to begin a new blog at WordPress. I am just loving working with that format much more than Blogger, and I am beginning a new focus for my blogging as I try to change my outlook on life. Less stress; more of Jesus. Really embracing and grabbing all that God has created for me in this life. I feel like this blog, like my life, has too much baggage attached to it, and I just need a fresh start. I'm not erasing this or any of my blogs on Blogger; I may still write a book or something using them. Just moving forward for now! I hope those of you who read this blog will continue to read my ramblings on life over at Breaking the Mold.

See ya on the flipside!!!

Dinner tonight - pulled pork and homemade fries

Just hit on another "winner," at least as far as my husband was concerned. The sauce was a tad too spicy for me, but he gobbled down two sandwiches. He ate one, went to the bathroom and blew his nose and wiped his eyes, and then had another one. If you or your spouse likes spicy foods...try this recipe. If you don't care for pork, I'm sure a beef roast or even chicken would taste good, too. Tofu or tempeh could be a good choice if you are a vegetarian - the sauce is what makes it yummy - and best of all, it's made with things that you'd typically find in your house.

INGREDIENTS:

Any kind of boneless pork [roast, several boneless chops, whatever!]
1 cup of ketchup
1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup of water
1/8 cup of packed brown sugar
1/2 Tbsp cayenne pepper [less to taste; I wouldn't advise more!]
1/2 Tbsp garlic powder
1 small onion, finely chopped

The recipe I used also calls for yellow mustard, but we never have mustard in the house because we both dislike it, and the sauce is just fine without!

Mix all ingredients together; cook in a saucepan on low for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Pour over pork in slow cooker - the longer it marinates, the better it is [I usually do it the night before, stick the whole thing in the fridge, and turn it on the next day]. Cooks all day on the "low" setting.

It's really good served on sourdough rolls, toasted with a little butter on them...YUM!!!

THE FRIES...

I have spent years and years trying to make homemade steak fries. I like fries with more substance, and I like not having to buy a bag of Ore Ida fries in addition to potatoes. It takes about 5 minutes more work than cooking the frozen ones...BUT, I never quite got the knack. But I finally hit on it, so I thought I'd share it with anyone who stumbles onto my corner of the blogosphere:

Average about 1-2 [depending on size and your definition of "medium"] medium potatoes per person.

*Cut potato in half.
*Cut each half into four equal pieces.
*Repeat with each potato.
*THE KEY to my success: Pat the pieces dry with a towel.
*Spray a cookie sheet with Pam.
*Place the potato pieces on cookie sheet [Duh].
*Spray potatoes with a coat of Pam.
*Sprinkle with whatever seasoning you use - I use a combination of Lawry's and pepper.
*Cook for 20 minutes, flipping them with a spatula halfway through.

Done!!

Next week, stay tuned...I need to try out a NEW recipe, per my personal challenge. If it turns out well, I will let you know!!!

I'm God's favorite...

...and below are some things He created just for me. Enjoy the photo gallery [the dog is not actually Cubby - all my pictures of her disappeared in the rebuilding of my computer - but I found a dog online that sort of looks like her!]!!

Lemon Bars

I promised to post the recipe for the lemon bars I made last week - they are not "friendly" as far as any weight loss plan goes...but if you cut them small and use restraint when eating them [I am limiting myself to one per day], they're not too bad :o).

LEMON BARS
2 c. flour
1 c. butter or margarine
1/2 c. powdered sugar
4 eggs
6 Tbsp lemon juice [or the juice of 2 lemons...I only had one lemon, and I supplemented the rest with 2 teaspoons of lemon extract, and that worked beautifully!]6 Tbsp flour
2 c. sugar
1 c. shredded coconut [I would imagine you could leave this out - we both like coconut, and we had some that we were trying to use up, so...]

Frosting [again, you can skip this and just dust them with powdered sugar. I love frosting, so that's what we got. It does make them SUPER sweet, so cut into smaller squares if you go this route]

Mix flour, butter, and powdered sugar as pie crust. Bake in 15 x 12 inch cookie sheet for 20 minutes at 350 degrees [I used my silicone casserole pan - bigger than a 9 x 13 pan, but smaller than a cookie sheet].

Mix the rest of the ingredients. Pour over crust. Put back in the oven and bake for 25 minutes more. Frost when cold.

*They're best if you put them in the fridge and let the frosting harden. They TASTE good when the frosting is still soft, but they are really messy!!!!

Enjoy!!!

Shutting out the noise...

In my Bible reading yesterday, I came across the famous story of Mary and Martha - the one where Martha was running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to serve Jesus, and Mary was just sitting there listening to him and learning from him. Books, Bible studies and sermons galore have been written about this, and those of us who have been in the church since birth can quote the story almost verbatim beginning in kindergarten. But yesterday, I read the verse in a whole new light. After 33 years of hearing this story over and over again, God showed me something new about it. His Word is cool like that.

One thing that I deal with in my life - I have never been "formally" diagnosed, but I'm pretty positive - is anxiety and panic attacks...which, if the go unchecked, have a nasty tendency to lead to depression. We're talking full-blown, shortness of breath, huge adrenaline rush...the whole shebang.

This past week, I have been completely panicked over something that is probably not a huge deal at all...however, the person I need to speak to about it has been out of town, unreachable. So - take a person who tends to overly psychoanalyze situations, who is prone to panic attacks and anxiety, and who has a touch of PTSD - let her sit and stew with no resolution in sight, and you have a certifiable mess on your hands.

My poor husband.

Yesterday, I sat down to read my Bible and really talk to God - to my dismay, one of the few times I've done that lately. Don't get me wrong - like a dutiful Type A Christian girl, I have done my required 30 minutes of Bible reading, checked it off my list, and gone on with my day. But yesterday I spent an hour, just reading the Bible and talking to God - and hearing from him.

I decided to try an experiment and shut out the noise from my home. Patrick was sleeping for a good portion of the day, and I turned the t.v. to the "Soundscapes" music channel [for those of you reading who don't have cable, there are certain channels that play nothing but music 24/7. There's a channel for every possible musical taste out there. The "Soundscapes" channel is just calming, instrumental music - it's officially classified "New Age," but I have found in evangelical circles, it's best not to use that terminology, lest someone freak out. Please do not be alarmed - it is just pretty music. No conjuring of demons going on here ;o).].

I started out with the intention of just playing the music while I read my Bible, but when I started to flip channels, the negative thoughts came back like a flood. I turned it back, and realized that the "standard the Lord raised against it" was one of peace. I lit candles around the apartment - breathed in the strange but lovely mixture of scents in my home from pomegranate to cinnamon spice to pine, and felt the calming presence of God in the room.

That was what I needed. Just the peace that Christ spoke of - that the world cannot give, and that the world cannot take away. Even my spastic dog who barks at leaves that float past our window was fast asleep, peacefully cocking her ear toward the music coming from the television.

Last night I led Saturday night prayer and I spoke on just shutting out the noise and letting God speak to you - on making sure that we, as Mary, choose "the very best thing," the one thing that, as Jesus told Martha, can never be taken away - a relationship with Jesus. I was reminded this weekend why I do what I do, and that I can have that peace with me all the time - not just for an afternoon. I prayed for myself and for all present [It's August and about 2/3 of the church - my pastor included - are on vacation, so "all" consisted of about 6-7 of us!] that God would empty out all the junk and fill us with all of him. I felt him telling me that if we just fill ourselves with God, he will miraculously make sure all the other stuff gets taken care of.

Services today were fantastic. Mostly because I just let God direct it. Of course I had a plan - an object lesson/teaching prepared - but I really just let him work through me instead of trying to force it.

Stress is ugly. Stress does nasty things to my mind and to my body. It is much better to just walk in the peace and presence of God. I for sure want my home to be a place where peace - not stress - rules. And I believe that I can be a walking example in my job and in everything I touch of someone who, as Scripture says, "lets the peace of Christ rule in my heart." I can get my job done without being spastic and frenetic. I can do it better that way.

Today, once again, the candles are burning [although I should probably blow them out soon!], the pretty music is playing, and I am choosing to let the peace of Christ force out anxiety...depression...PTSD...and everything else that I have allowed to rule in my heart that is not of God.

I hereby banish it from my heart and mind, and I choose - just like I must choose love, joy, patience, and self-control - I choose to walk in the peace that He brings to me.

Show and Tell

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am committed to making some changes in my life...centered around abandoning the American, "Want...Take/Buy...Have" philosophy of acquiring stuff. I have always been drawn to a simpler way of living, but lately I have felt more of an urgency to put it into practice. Simply put...I don't need brand new stuff. With the exception of two purchases that we are saving up for and plan to buy new:

*Another set of sheets for our bed
*A new set of pots and pans

we are really trying to break the bad habits that resulted in nothing but mounds of credit card debt that we are now trying to pay off. For example...we are in need of a new comforter/quilt/bedspread for our bed. We spent way too much money on a brand new one last March and discovered that the material [a wierd "satin-like" material] irritates my husband's skin. Our first instinct is "let's go to Target and buy a new one." But we are going to make do with an old one that we have lying around and scour thrift stores, craigslist.com, and freecycle.com until we find one that we want.

Another idea we had in the vein of homemade gifts is homemade soap...now I know you're thinking I sound like a Bill Gothard-following homeschooler right about now...lol!! But seriously? We both love all-natural, homemade soaps and usually pick up a bar or two if we stumble upon it at a farmer's market or craft sale. There are only a few store-bought soaps that do not make my skin break out in a rash, or cause my exzema on my toes [can you think of a MORE irritating place to have exzema? I mean, it's not like I can gracefuly whip off my shoe and start scratching my toes in public...]. I have never had that problem with the homemade, all-natural kind. Unfortunately, if I buy it from a store or a booth at a craft sale, it's usually $5 a pop - people need to make a living, but I also need to get clean...so that's a lot of money out of our budget for that purpose! So we are toying around with experimenting in that area.

We are recommitting ourselves to making most of our meals at home, and have been inspired by Julie and Julia to try more new recipes. I made some really tasty lemon bars this past week that we are still snacking on...I'll post the receipe later!!!

And...as I have already mentioned...homemade gifts. Which brings me to the "show and tell" portion of this blog post: most of these are crocheted things - I have discovered, as my mom and late grandma also discovered in their lives - that crocheting is a great way to wind down at the end of the day and feel productive as I'm watching something on t.v. It's also a great stress reliever - many prayers have been offered up to God on my family's behalf by my grandma and my mom as they sat in their chairs crocheting, waiting for loved ones to return home - and now I am finding that this is a fantastic way for me to pray and stay focused...plus I get to make some groovy things for myself and for others. So here goes - prepare to be amazed:


A scarf I made for my husband for this winter - it actually started out as a baby blanket for my friend Erika's second baby [who was born last Monday], but I got the count wrong on some of the squares and found that when I tried to sew them all together, it was lopsided. Not wanting to waste the hours I spent crocheting or all the yarn, I asked my husband if he liked the colors and if he'd wear it if I made it into a scarf instead. He did, and said he'd wear it, so...


Me wearing the finished product - and demonstrating another "life simplifying" discovery: making small braids throughout my hair really helps tame it and keep it from getting too "poofy." It's probably the closest I'll get to dreds, because I just cannot convince my husband that a white, nerdy female would look good in them. He really likes this look on me, though!


These are some "doilies" I made to put underneath candles. I was more or less practicing and getting the hang of crocheting - and again, not wanting to waste time or yarn, decided to find a use for them. I love the "cozy" touch they add to our house.


Two cell phone holders and a set of pot holders. The cell phone holders are mine, but I plan to make more of these and more pot holders as Christmas gifts this year...finding as much of the yarn as possible at thrift stores!


And last but not least - the material for the tied fleece blanket that I will be making for Erika's new son, Caleb Riley, since the original blanket turned into a scarf :o). I bought too much material [I didn't remember if I needed one yard or two - it turns out I only needed one!], so I will probably just make a second one and donate it to CareNet - our local crisis pregnancy center - for their baby boutique that expectant moms are able to shop in for super cheap!!

So there you have it: some immediate steps I've taken to simplify my life, lighten my stress load, and keep my pocketbook happy. I will be posting more ideas and tips as they come to me...so enjoy!!!!

New Gig!!!!

No, I'm not quitting my day job/evening job/weekend job [which are actually all one in the same, lol!]. Just adding a little more to my schedule, because I'm crazy like that...

Let me back WAY up to tell this story...

Before I moved here, I became addicted to Karen Kingsbury's fiction - she is great at creating characters and telling compelling stories, and I can usually finish one of her books in a lazy afternoon [I am doubly happy when one of her books is available in the library on my day off...yay for online reservations!!]. Anyway, one organization that some of her characters in one series are involved in is called "Christian Kids Theatre [CKT]." In reading about it, I remember thinking, "Wouldn't it be awesome if there really was an organization like that? Too bad it's just in a book!"

Lo and behold...I moved here and discovered there there IS an organization exactly like that - only it's actually called Christian Youth Theatre...turns out Karen Kingsbury's kids are involved in it where they live, and she based her fictional characters' experience on her own family's involvement in it. And, even more awesome and amazing...Lake County, where my church is, actually HAS a chapter!!!

Only one problem: we are at the very top of Lake County, and all the rehearsals and classes were about an hour south of us. Yeah. Just not going to happen.

This year, though...drum roll, please...CYT Chicago has decided to extend their Lake County chapter and offer classes in Kenosha [where I live, Wisconsin and Illinois are pretty much interchangeable!] for the northern kids. And by kids, I mean that they offer classes for all age levels and experience levels, from 6-18. Kids age 8 and up who take the classes are eligible to audition for their shows.

What does this have to do with me, other than the fact that I like theatre?

Well...a lady in my church who is a homeschool/Christian school mom was telling me one day that they are looking for people to teach their classes who are qualified to teach theatre AND are Christians, and were having a hard time filling the positions. She asked if she could give her friend - the area coordinator - our phone number. I said sure.

So this week my husband and I both had phone interviews with them, and will be teaching one evening a week this fall - he'll be teaching "Musical Masters," a musical theatre course for high school students, and it looks like I'll be teaching "Drama I," a beginning acting class for 8-11 year olds.

And...get this: it PAYS!!!! I was totally going to do it for free, because I love theatre, and am feeling really challenged to get out into the community more than I have been. I thought of other children's/youth pastors I know who substitute teach on their day off, or who coach soccer or baseball. I can't coach sports [not if the kids actually want to be GOOD at it!!!], but I can teach theatre. And the kids who attend CYT classes - especially in a town like ours - are not necessarily already Christians. A lot of them are kids who are interested in the arts and will take any class offered to improve their skills.

So...I'm super excited to be getting out into the community and doing something that is not connected to my church [but will definitely benefit my church and ministry!], using my college degree in a direct way - I use it "indirectly" all the time in kids' ministry, AND getting paid for it!!!

This is a huge blessing for us, because we know we should be putting $$ in savings, but after tithe and all our bills, there really isn't much left over. We're making it financially; just not able to really save and plan ahead. So the money from these checks will be going into a savings account rather than being absorbed into our regular budget.

My husband may take some directing gigs with them down the line as well - directing musical theatre is really his passion. He told them that as long as we are at our church, we aren't available to do their fall show [because we have our Christmas play at church that we're working on], but spring and summer productions are a possibility.

I'm still pinching myself...I get to do theatre again!

Frustrated, incorporated...

Put me out of my misery...I'd do it for you, would you do it for me?

This quote from my Minneapolis homeboys Soul Asylum describes how I am feeling today. Besides the fact that I am trying to get rid of a migraine, I could really use your prayers tonight - anyone who happens to be reading this.

I'm at a crossroads, and important decisions in my life need to be made. I am not going to go into details on a public blog, but I am really feeling under attack, and am rather surprised at the people the enemy is using to make me feel this way.

Don't freak out - I still love Jesus, and I still enjoy being alive...so with those two questions answered right off the bat - please pray....

Thanks!

Back to basics...

Confession time: I have always been drawn to the whole concept of "living simply." I love thrift stores. I love buying junky pieces of furniture and making them into my own - I once deco-podged [sp?] a small wooden table and completely mismatched chair with bright, colorful pictures from magazines and used it as a desk - got lots of compliments on them, but they just absolutely wouldn't fit in the moving truck so we abandoned them. Having been an extremely fast reader all my life, I typically do not buy books at Barnes & Noble or Borders [although I love spending time in those places - checking out new books that I want to hunt down at the library, drinking coffee, looking at the cool journals and pens...] because I think it's a waste of money to spend $15 - $20 for one or two afternoons of entertainment. The Goodwill and I have an unofficial barter system going - I buy books from there, read them, and then put them in my Goodwill stack and "donate" them. Then I go in and buy some more...

I am so sick of "stuff." Partially for financial reasons - I'm trying to get out of debt; and partially for environmental reasons. I live by the adage, "one man's trash is another man's treasure," and am not interested in throwing more junk in already full landfills. I do not believe that one needs to be a tree-hugging hippie in order to care about the environment. God gave us this earth to rule and have dominion over, and therefore, I just want to do my best with one of the jobs He has trusted me to do.

Recycling has become a conviction in the past few weeks - yes, I said a conviction. I just think that if something can be recycled, it should be recycled. Plastic...aluminum...all the stuff that we normally just throw away. I used to recycle when I owned a home and it was mandatory to put the little plastic tub out on the curb once a week. I rent now, and apparently, the recycling truck does not come to our apartment complex, so I have grown lazy. But I really feel like I need to get off my butt and find out where I can take my cans and plastic bottles. Either that or save them and learn to be more "crafty," and make them into gifts [which wouldn't be a bad idea, pocketbook-wise!].

Some would say that my renting an apartment is an unwise investment. That I am just "throwing my money away." To me, buying a house and having a mortgage [which would be much larger than my rent payment!], homeowner's insurance, and property taxes to worry about would be not only unwise, but impossible at this point. I love where I live. I love my apartment. And...I love not being financially responsible for home repairs!! The only downside is not being able to paint my walls. I do not like white walls. But I can be creative with that, too - my kitchen, for example, is a "Coca Cola" theme - and I bought a Coke calendar, ripped it apart, and lined the white part above my cabinets with vintage Coke ads.

My husband and I have gone back and forth on the idea of getting a second car...once I finally get around to practicing my driving and passing my road test [I know, I know!!]. It might make things somewhat more convenient, but truthfully? All I see is:

*More money spent on insurance.
*More money spent on gas.
*More money spent on maintenance.
*My husband and I literally NEVER seeing each other some days [there are some days where we at least have time together in the car, if nothing else!].

Now that he works nights, a license would be great for me to have, since he could come home and sleep instead of coming home and picking me up and dropping me off. It's not like he uses the car during the day. We're working on that...but a second car? I'm just not sure I want the financial responsibility. I really want to free up my finances and create the need for LESS stuff. In another year and half to two years, we will be completely free from all our consumer debt, as well as have our car paid off. I am not anxious to rack up more debt after working so hard to pay it off...

I don't think I will ever be a vegetarian, because I KNOW my husband will never be one - and neither of us feels like cooking two separate things for each meal. I will never go completely "all natural" or "organic." It's way too expensive to buy organic fruits and veggies when I can bring the regular ones home and wash them in soap and hot water for the same effect. I will never be one of those women who uses "natural" feminine products because...just...yuck. And I probably won't use cloth diapers on my future kids for the same reason.

But...just a warning...I have been tempted many times to just comb my unruly hair into dreadlocks to save time in the morning and money on hair products - so if I can ever convince my husband that they would be totally hot on me [he insists that white people universally look bad in dreads - I disagree!]...I will post pictures :o).

The American Church

The American church is messy. Dysfunctional [some more than others!]. Hypocritical. Strayed SO far from what Jesus intended the church to be. Not doing things the right way. Too old-fashioned. Too quiet. Too loud. Too contemporary. Not contemporary enough. Not doing enough for the family. Too focused on the family and not on the lost. Too greedy. Too sloppy.

I have heard all of these things describe the American evangelical subculture. I have said some of these things myself, to be totally honest. Some of these things are painfully accurate. Still, for some unexplainable [and sometimes frustrating!] reason, I am called. Whether for a lifetime or a season, I do not know. I know I will always be doing ministry of some kind - just not sure what shape it will take in the future, and to be honest, every time I think I have it figured out, God throws me for a loop and changes everything, anyway. So I continue to do what I do, hoping that, in my corner of the world, I can make a difference. Maybe I can make the American church a little better.

This has been a month of tremendous spiritual highs and lows for me - usually in the summer, I get two "shots in the arm," so to speak: A vacation of some kind, and kids' camp. A vacation to get away and relax, hang out with my husband and our extended family and just forget about life and responsibilities for a week. For various reasons, this has not happened this summer - we're working on something in the fall [one of THE worst times for me to leave, but maybe God is trying to teach me to not be so Type A!], but in the meantime, we plod along and work our tails off. Kids' camp, because it's ministry of a different sort - 100% pure ministering to kids - without the paperwork, the church politics, the phone ringing, and all the "boring" but necessary stuff that comes with ministry. It's a week to just get away and remember why I became a chidren's pastor in the first place. But this year, we had no kids register to go.

I have been discouraged by the evangelical subculture in general - the "churchiness" of it all. I am so tired of being "churchy." I want to be real [and so does my church, our vision is the acrostic REAL - Reaching, Engaging, Assimilating, and Leading :o)], but struggle with wondering if I am the only one out there who feels that way. Knowing that I cannot possibly be the only one who would like to see the American evangelical church really BE the church in people's lives.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post - my friend Pastor Deanna Shrodes and her husband Pastor Larry Shrodes, co-pastors of Northside Assembly of God in Tampa, Florida, just pulled off an awesome and amazing "surprise" in their church service yesterday. She's been teasing all of us online for weeks..."I can't wait for August 16th..."

So yesterday - which also happened to be my birthday - she finally posted the details of what was happening. I encourage you to click here and read about an example of what church is all about.

Messy? Yes. Dysfunctional? At times.

But this is an example of "absolutely beautiful." This is why I do what I do instead of answering phones, flipping burgers, or pouring coffeee. This is the church at its finest.

Too young for a midlife crisis...

...nevertheless, upon turning 33 years old "officially" about 40 minutes ago [I was born at 8:05 pm, August 16, 1976. The bicentennial year of our country. There was no pink to be had for baby girls - only patriotic red, white, and/or blue. Perhaps this is why I do not enjoy wearing pink. I was just not exposed to it enough at an early age! Anyway, I digress], I was struck with the realization that my life has become quite "blah." And for someone in the line of work that I'm in, who has the passions and gifts that I have, that is just plain ridiculous.

No more...

...sitting in my office aimlessly wondering what to do, lost when there's no "event" or "project" to work on. MAKE things happen when I'm there!! I am the children's pastor at my church - not an admin assistant.

...coming home, eating, watching t.v., and then going to bed.

...living life passively.

...not writing a word and then lamenting the fact that I'm not published. Duh.

So, today, on my 33rd birthday [this seems like an odd age to be having an epiphany, but for some reason, it's making me feel really old], I am committed to:

*Entering that writing contest that my mom e-mailed me about.
*Starting my "church brat" project from scratch and writing at least 5 quality pages per day.
*Getting serious about my health.
*Trying at least one new recipe every two weeks.
*Recruiting at least 10 new leaders to kids' ministry by this time next year.
*At least doubling the average Sunday morning attendance by this time next year.
*Finally reading ALL of Les Miserables.
*Reading the Belgariad by David Eddings because it means a lot to my husband that I share this experience with him.
*Reading at least one "instructional" book per week in the area of writing, theatre, or children's ministry.
*Watching only the t.v. shows that I intend to watch - no more channel flipping and getting sucked into the everlasting vortex of time wasting.
*Because I don't get QUANTITY time with my husband, making the time we have together QUALITY time.
*Make some new friends.

I'm sure there are more goals that I'll think of, but this is good for now. To quote Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act 2, "If you want to be somebody...if you want to go somewhere...you better wake up and pay attention."

My life is great. I just need to grab onto that greatness and make the most of the opportunities that have been given to me.

I've been alive for 33 years. I now need to start LIVING.

And in the "maybe my mom isn't always right" department...

One thing that, for some reason, has always stuck with me that my mom said is that God doesn't allow Christians to win big in the lottery because He is not going to honor bad stewardship of our money.

[I still gave my brother a card with $10 and two lottery tickets for his 18th birthday 12 years ago, though, and she said that if he won, she got half...LOL!!]

But click here for a story about a CHURCH that won the lottery!

If you happen to stumble upon this blog, mom - I still love you, and no, I do not plan to become a habitual lottery player ;o).

What if?

I was part of an interesting discussion on Facebook last night regarding Rob Bell...specifically his statement [and I am paraphrasing here!], "What if we were to find out all sorts of evidence that the virgin birth was not true, or that the Hebrew word for "virgin" actually meant something else? Would we still follow the teachings of Jesus, or would our faith then become null and void?"

This is an extreme simplification of the thought being expressed in Bell's book Velvet Elvis, but it did make me think. Not that I'm denying the virgin birth or the deity of Christ.

But what if?

What if Jesus WAS just a nice guy with a lot of good things to say? Would I still find value in the things that he taught? My relationship with God is dependent on Jesus' resurrection from the dead, but would "love your neighbor," or "turn the other cheek," or "go the extra mile" become BAD advice if Jesus were just a man and not God?

Perhaps this is a generational phenomenon, but I am less interested in concrete "proof" of a literal 6-day creation...the virgin birth...miracles...the resurrection...than I am in seeing how faith in Jesus is practically lived out in the lives of those who claim to follow Him. The supernatural is important, because without it, we might as well be following the teachings of any good moral person. Still, I believe that before we can see supernatural things - signs, wonders, miracles - we need to concentrate on living our lives the way that Jesus would want us to live.

It's like peanut butter and jelly - you can't have one without the other. That's why Paul said in I Corinthians 13, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels...if I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge...if I have a faith that can move mountains...but do not have love, I AM NOTHING." He then goes on to explain what love is.

Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I display all the qualities of love listed in this chapter that tends to be very convicting when applied to my life? No? Then it doesn't matter how much faith I have. It doesn't matter how many supenatural, spiritual gifts I have. Not in God's eyes, anyway.

So what if? If Jesus never gives me another thing besides salvation, would that be enough for me to follow Him?

I would hope so...

I'm not my husband!

After reading the news today, I felt compelled to blog about Secretary of State Clinton's "bristling" when someone asked her what her husband's opinion was on such-and-such issue. She answered, "Bill is not the secretary of state," and stated that she was not there to channel her husband.

I understand that her situation is a little bit different, since her husband was the President for eight years, but I can empathize with her just a little bit as a woman in ministry who is the "main" staff member in our relationship.

I was recently challenged by my senior pastor to not lean on my husband so much, since I am the paid staff member in the relationship. It can be hard to find that balance. On one hand, I believe 100% in team ministry. On the other hand, my husband has his own job that he has, as of late been working about 50 hours per week [hopefully this is just temporary, although the overtime has been nice!]. On one hand, the Bible does tell wives to submit to their husbands. On the other hand, I am technically the one in charge in our ministry.

Since we have a more egalitarian view of marriage and ministry, it's really not a matter of who is "in charge." As far as I am concerned, if my husband says something to a child or a leader, it's as good as if I had said it. In fact, our Royal Rangers department is headed by a very traditional conservative man, and my pastor and I both agree that it is just better to choose our battles and appoint my husband to be the one to enforce policies, etc. in that department.

Still, though, I can understand where Mrs. Clinton is coming from. Why do people assume that a husband and wife share all the same opinions on issues? My husband and I are both "purple" politically - that is "red" in some areas, and "blue" in others. Our reds and our blues don't always match. Just because my husband feels a certain way about political issue x, y, or z, does not mean that I feel the same way - and vice versa. It really doesn't matter - we actually enjoy debating our political differences.

When it comes to ministry, we do listen to each other. My husband has an incredible gift of discernment, so if he feels that something is not quite right with someone who wants to be a leader, my ears perk up [Can I just say that for the first time IN OUR LIVES as children's pastors, we have enough leaders where we can afford to be "picky" like that...YAY!!!!].

Still, we are not the same person. That's the mystery of marriage - we can be "one flesh" while still being two separate individuals with two separate brains.

I used to work for two psychology professors who were married to each other. Both were doctors - both were professionals - and both extremely good at what they did. One of them was the department chair; the other acted as interim chair when her husband was on sabbatical. The female half of the pair was constantly venting about students questioning her classroom/attendance/late paper policies on the grounds that "her husband doesn't do it that way." Or getting frustrated with HER because she didn't know off the top of her head why her huband was running a few minutes late for an appointment.

"Apparently, we share a brain and should be joined at the hip at all times," she would say.

I would answer, "Yeah - you'd better get home and start churning that butter..."

Her husband, by the way, always backed her policies, and made a point of saying that the students would never complain because the other professors' policies were not exactly like his, and they should not expect his wife to conduct her classes the same way he did, either. I'm getting a little misty, because I really do miss those guys...

I love my husband to pieces. I respect him, and think he is the greatest man on the planet. But I am NOT him. People who expect my personality to be exactly like his will be sorely disappointed. He is loud and expressive. At Saturday night prayer, he walks back and forth across the back of the sanctuary speaking in tongues. I curl up in a pew writing in my prayer journal. He is a big goofball in kids' church and runs most of the games. I do most of the teaching [partially because...uh...it's my job!]. This is not to say that I am a big old stick in the mud - in fact, in our last series, HE played the "straight man" while I played the wacky costumed character.

So, Secretary of State Clinton, if you run across my humble little blog [and no, I am not egotistical enough to think that prominent political figures are actually reading my blog!], I just want you to know that I understand. You are not your husband. Even though we do not always agree politically, I completely get you on that point! Now go out and be the best secretary of state that YOU can be...and I'll sit here in my corner of the world and be the best children's pastor that I can be.

And I know both of our husbands are proud of us!!

Feeling like a bloated sack of protoplasm!

Does anyone remember the Nickelodeon show "Ren and Stimpy," about the really weird looking dog and cat who were best buddies and frequently burst into a rousing chorus of "Happy, happy, joy, joy..."? They were also really into bodily functions and insulting each other...yes, great family fun ;o).

Well, one of the common insults hurled on that show was, "You bloated sack of protoplasm!"

And that's how I feel right now.

I might as well be completely honest, because, as they say in TOPS [my mom was a member when I was a kid, and I remember part of their pledge], "Though I eat in private, my excess poundage is there for all the world to see what a fool I've been."

I have not weighed myself recently. I don't know if it would give me a swift kick in the tail, or send me into a fit of tears/rage/more tears/more rage. We took a break from WW meetings for the summer because church stuff keeps us way too busy to actually get to meetings. And, although some people go there just to weigh in, I'm too cheap to pay $12 and not get the full benefit.

Stupid, stupid girl.

I should have made it a priority. I know that I cannot minister effectively if I do not keep myself healthy. I know that I was losing by sticking to the WW plan and counting points, exercising, and getting all my water in [yes, I KNOW that the new momentum program counts all non-caloric liquids now, but I really feel better if the majority of what I drink during the day is water]. I should have insisted that Thursday evenings from 5:15-6:00 were sacred, and people just needed to deal with it.

Now, I have missed so many meetings, that I would need to pay the registration fee in order to come back. And I can't afford that. So now I need to wait until fall, even though I want to go back right now.

I guess I can "go back" anyway. I have my electronic points counter/calculator. I know how many points are in things, and how many I need to consume based on my body weight. I still have my DDR mat, which is collecting dust in my storage closet.

I need to do this. I am quite positive I have gained back all the weight I lost - possibly more. I have clothes that are getting tight on me, and I gave all my fat clothes away to a woman in our church who had lap band surgery and is still losing [not quite in my 2x's and 3x's, but getting close, and I certainly do not want to call her up and say, "Uh...I got fat again - could I have my clothes back, please?"]. I refuse to buy new clothes in a BIGGER size. Unless I'm pregnant. Which, the more I stuff my face, the less likely it is that that is going to happen.

When we were getting ready to buy our house 10 years ago [Holy cow! Was I only 23 years old when I became a homeowner?!?!?!?], when we were thinking of spending money on something frivolous, we'd ask ourselves, "Do we want this, or do we want a house more?"

Why, oh, why can't I think that way now, when I am supposedly older and wiser? Do I want that extra helping of dinner, or do I want a baby more? Do I want to go out to eat because I'm too lazy to cook...or do I want a baby more? My actions are proving that apparently, I desire food more than I desire a baby. At least a healthy one. And a healthy ME during a pregnancy!

Diabetes and heart disease runs rampant in my family. Three out of three of my grandparents who are gone have died because of heart problems. What makes me think I'll beat those odds eating the way I do? When I am bigger and more unhealthy now at age 33 than they were at my age?

Why do I think I will be the one person in my family who will prove medical science wrong and live to be 100 on the fast food diet?

I need to change. No more excuses. I know all the "right" things to do. I just need to do them.

Edited to add: Yup. Gained back all the weight I lost PLUS another pound and a half. No wonder the clothes have gotten tight! Back on the wagon starting NOW.

Feeling better...

...but exhausted!

Festival today went well...pastor cancelled prayer tonight on account of the weather being 90+ degrees and all of us tired and smelly and dripping with sweat [him included!].

Stopped by Walmart to pick up some supplies for my object lesson tomorrow, picked up a pizza that proved to be completely unappetizing once I finished cooking it, so I cut it up, put it in the fridge, and will send some of it with Patrick to work tonight.

I started soaking in the tub, but finished up with a shower when I felt myself nodding off. Drowning in the tub would not be good [although Patrick said, "At least it would probably get me out of having to work tonight." Thanks honey.]

I spent most of the day today giving temporary tattoos to children. We handed out hundreds of fliers advertising our church, including one that I made up that highlighted kids' ministry. I could be in for an onslaught of children this week. It would be a good problem to have.

I have already blogged for much longer than I planned...I may be back next week with actual topics and not just brief life updates, but one never knows.

It may be a crazy life...but it's my life [I shamelessly stole that from Jon and Kate, but I think it describes a ministry life better than a reality t.v. family...so there!].

Still sick...still busy...

1. I hate colds.
2. I really hate being sick during a really busy week.
3. I am SOOOOOOOO ready for a day off tomorrow!!

By the time this week is over, I will have worked about 60 hours. Not the busiest week I've ever worked [see also: Christmas play season!], but when I am dragging from this cold/allergies/sinus/whatever it is that is making me miserable, it seems like I've been working about 100 hours.

In my world, one does not stay home from work/church/school unless one produces vomit, a fever, or something ending in "infection" and beginning with "sinus" or "ear" and requiring antibiotics. So on I go, realizing that I may need to actually do some work from home tomorrow, because I just plain ran out of time this week.

I really should go to bed now. I'm not saying that I WILL..only that I SHOULD. Debating whether I should wait until later to take some Benadryl and go to bed so that I can sleep a little later, or take it now and wake up at 6:00 a.m. like I did this morning.

My world has become very, very small...

It's only Tuesday, but Friday's a-comin'!

Is it bad that it is Tuesday evening and I feel like I have been hit by a truck? To sum it all up:

*I got my computer back, virus free...YAY!!!!

*The only files our techie could recover were 2-3 from August of 2006...BOO!!!

*I have some fantastic parents in my church who are helping me out by e-mailing me their kids' grades and birthdays [I'm smart, but not enough to remember 70-80 birthdays!]....YAY!!!!

*Because my computer has been completely rebuilt, I am no longer on our network and cannot print things, and both our techies are out of town this week...BOO!!!

*We are currently without a youth pastor, which means I can e-mail myself any files I need to print, run next door, and print them from the computer in the empty office...YAY!!!

*That computer is a slow-as-molasses dinosaur that kicks me off frequently, and it is taking me twice as long to get anything accomplished...BOO!!!

Some more positive things from the past couple of weeks:

*I recruited three more preschool leaders, almost completely filling the Sunday morning schedule [from what I'm told, if I completely fill it up, this will be the first time in the history of our church that this has occurred!!].

*The first night of Mega Sports Camp is tomorrow, and I am really excited about it.

*I am also super excited about our outreach on Saturday [well, not just OURS...our church is participating in it], in which we are handing out free backpacks and school supplies to kids in the community.

*I am exhausted, but in a good way - I feel like I am actually getting things accomplished this week - making contacts, improving the way I do things, all that good stuff! This is a drastic difference from the way I was feeling a few weeks ago, and I'm really happy to be back in the game emotionally!

Pray for...

*It feels like I have a never-ending "to do list" that keeps increasing at it decreases, and it's all stuff that NEEDS to get done ASAP. Pray that I do not stress out about it, and that it all gets done.

*My sinuses are not doing well right now - I do not know if it is a cold that I'm coming down with or my allergies acting up. Either way, it's the same effect. I need to feel better, and I need to be at the top of my game tomorrow, Thursday night [backpack stuffing and volunteer meeting...it's going to be a LATE night!!!], and Saturday.

Thank goodness for Fridays - Friday night is "set up night" at the site of the festival, but I am probably not going to go, since every time I try to help set anything up, no one lets me do anything because I'm a girl, and I end up sitting there not doing anything. I have decided that, this time around, instead of trying to make a feminist statement and insist on helping, to just let the guys do their thing and stay home in my bed.

And on that note, my nails are crying for some polish, and my exhausted body is begging me to wind down for the day...

My laptop is back...

...but empty.

it had six Trojan viruses on it, which resulted in our dear friend Tony [also one of our church techies] having to completely rebuild it.

The only files he was able to save were a few that I created when I first came here. According to my computer, it is now August of 2006.

Kids' church should be interesting tomorrow...and I definitely have my work cut out for me this week...trying to recreate all my forms and figure out what all is missing. Retyping every child's name into a new database that I have yet to create. Finding all of the websites that I had saved in my favorites file that were SO essential to the ministry...

Is it too late to go sign up to be Amish?